Oh, you don’t like your rice crunchy?

So my mom brought me this recipe the other day. Its for this corn and rice vegetarian dish. 

So I cooked it tonight, and as I was putting in the rice I thought “I dont know how this is going to plump up, there doesnt’ seem to be enough liquid”

Well…duh Shelby.

I cook the whole thing in the oven, and the rice won’t soften!

I finally look back at the recipe and realize in the list of ingredients it says “2 cups cooked long grain rice”

Damn it!

Well, everyone is sitting around me, being good sports, and eating their crunchy rice casseroles…

I swear, I need to dye my hair red again, this blonde thing isnt’ working for me hehehe

Life is…

Odd at the moment.

I got my state board testing date for July 14. I’m pretty excited, but scared, you know how tests go.

I just got back today from camping all weekend. It was a lot of fun, I love the mountains and hiking. We saw a bunch of wolves too.

————————-

So I’ve got some personal issues going on right now. I don’t know how to bring them up or talk about them.

It’s mostly my own insecurities, but it’s also…well…complicated.

If only I had the energy to drive to the market to buy some more cigarettes, I could at least give myself something else to focus on.

Bleh.

Sorry, I’m not too interesting as of late.

So here’s some gratuitous porn http://www.xtube.com

-Shelby

Being a woman….

So, I ran into walmart today. I had to purchase some false eyelashes to put on my seven year old cousin, just to practice my techniques.

I was wearing a gray mini skirt and a hot pink spaghetti strap top and luckily…underwear.

I say luckily underwear because…well you’ll see…

I was looking for the false lashes, thinking to myself “How am I going to tell Lance that I think that I’m pregnant? I mean…I don’t think he’ll be mad, and he’ll definitely want me to keep it. Wht the hell am I going to do? Sue the guy who manufactured my birth control?”

I grab my false lashes and mosey (mosie? mosy?) over to the arts and crafts and I feel this warm wetness between my legs….

It felt like I was getting turned on, that sort of slow wetness you know?

I knew it wasn’t my period, because every month since I first got it when I was eleven it’s been the same, I get cramp for 5-7 days before, horrible cramps. I get super moody, I cry a lot, and ooooo the cramps.

So I look around, no one is in site, so I sneak my finger up my skirt, under my white cotton thong, feel definite gooey warmth, and pull my finger out, in front of my face and voila…

Blood.

Lot’s of it.

At this moment I drop my false lashes onto the nearest shelf (which I hate to do, because I have worked in customer service, and people being too lazy to put their shit away pisses me off too). I start walked briskly out the door to my car.

Mind you I’m wearing a mini skirt, so all I can see in my mind is blood slowly dripping down my legs for all to see.

It didn’t, but you know how paranoia can trick you, and I could have sworn I could feel it going down my thigh.

So I get in my car, and I still have a ton of clothes piled in there from moving, so I find a gray sweater that I hated anyway, put it on my seat, hiked up my skirt, and drove home.

My poor white cotton thong ends up in the trash, and I’m thanking the Big Man that my skirt isn’t ruined and that I didn’t run into any old friends from highschool who wanted to chat.  

Well, Lance and I had a huuuuge, nasty, sweaty fuck fest on Tuesday. I was supposed to get my period on like….it doesn’t matter, sooo…yeah. I have too many friends who got knocked up while they were on the pill. Which explains the pregnancy scare.

I think that was God’s little way of saying “Hah, that’s what you get, now here’s your period in a very public place, I hope you learned your lesson. P.S. Stop yelling my name while you’re orgasming”

Thought you guys would enjoy another embarrassing story after my suicide scare. Letting you all know I’m good now.

That’s the downside of being bipolar, extreme lows, but I’ll deal.

Thank you all for you wonderful comments! Mwah!

-Shelby

 

….

I just want it to end.

 

 

Everyone has someone else to keep them company.

 

 

So they won’t be that hurt.

 

 

Maybe it will be like my way of finally doing something that displeases people. I’ve always been so obsessed with pleasing people. But I can’t please them no matter what I do anymore.

I’m too fat, my skin is bad, I’m useless, jobless, my boyfriend doesn’t confide in me anymore.

 

It would be a big fat burden off everyone’s back.

 

The question is how and when.

This

is

me

in all my fat, ugly, lazy glory….

Butt Scratcha!

I’m watching Family Guy, and they’re yelling “Butt Scratcha!”

Anyway…

My dad just walked in on Lance and I having sex. It was one of those quickies where you leave your clothes on and we were under a blanket. So its not like he SAW anything. He just said “so, lance, don’t you have to work early tomorrow?” or something like that.

Aaaakwaaard…

Lance is mortified.

It’s embarrassing, but eh, what can you do, right?

So…anyone out there have any funny and/or embarrassing sex stories???

Bang Bang

I don’t understand.

Am I crazy?

Am I insane for being upset that my boyfriend went to mexico and drank and danced with a bunch of random chicks? I mean, that’s what he’s telling me so far…

It’s like the last boyfriend all over again. Not as bad, but I didn’t love him. I was just with him because I didn’t want to be alone.

But I love Lance

More than words can describe.

But he just doesn’t see how I can be hurt over this…

I guess it’s hard to see my point of view when he’s the muscley jock that’s always had girls all over him, and I’m the friendless geek that’s never really gone out much.

*more pain that I can take*

No Meds for a week…

It’s been going okay. I had one huge bad spell, and a few little ones, but it hasnt been too bad.

Of course that changes tonight. I haven’t gotten back to the doctor for my meds, and tonight I really need them.

Today at school they were all talking about a big party, and making plans about it…I didn’t get an invite… it gets worse…

Lance decided to go to out to some clubs in Mexico with our friend Ramon and some girls I went to highschool with and their friends.

Usually, I would be angry. I’d blow up, I’d throw things I’d break things, but I’m just sad. I mean I’m ten hours away, what can I do?

It’s like I’ve been so angry my whole life that my body is just done. It’s done with being angry and frustrated, it’s done with dealing with things that hurt.

Especially things that hurt so bad, and you don’t know how to tell that person because I just want to be a good girlfriend. I don’t want to try to stop him from doing things he likes to do. I don’t want to be one of “those” girls who tells there boyfriends to sit, stay and roll over.

But if I’m doing such a great thing, why does it feel so bad?

“Of course they winned, they almost losed though, cause he got hurted…”

That’s a direct quote from my aunt/roommate. Yep.

So, Diablo Cody, the author of Juno, is my new obsession. Well, not obsession, but she’s fucking awesome. She’s an ex-stripper, and Oscar winner, and has a blog call “The Pussy Ranch”, need I say more?

So I should be moving to L.A. sometime this summer, or fall. Whenever the hell I can afford it. Until then, I’ll be whoring out my esthetic talents, giving out illegal chemical peels. It’s not my fault the people at the California State Board of Esthetics are a bunch of douchebags and haven’t let me get my state board date yet.

So, my few readers, enough abou me, how are you?

How do you all feel?

How was your day?

Mine was filled with the smell of burning flesh. I watched my insane mentor Nicole burn off weird skin growths with an electrically charged needle.

Let me tell you a little about Nicole, she’s a plastic surgery sculpted beauty queen. Her face doesn’t move much, and her skin is smoother than fucking porcelain. She’s also got this wicked fascination with melting skin.

She gave me a chemical peel, and I thought she was cumming the way she was explaining the “frosting” (a term we use for a controlled chemical burn aka melted skin) that was appearing as salicylic/glycolic acid mixture ate through my flesh.

Nicole: Just look at the frosting appearing on her skin, look at it.

Student: What’s frosting mean?

Nicole: Ooo, frosting is good, it’s really good. It means those chemicals are working and penetrating every one of her tight little follicles.

Student: Why is it called frosting?

Nicole: Because it’s looks like thick, white liquid all over her face. That’s the best part.

So…as I laid on the table, with my eyes covered, I was waiting for someone to start undoing my pants or something. While she was explaining she kept making weird moaning noises, then she sat on the bed with me, and started stroking my arms and legs.

On that note, I leave you.

All my lust,

Shelby

Updating I is….

So, it’s been a pretty crazazy week in Sacramento. Two Fridays ago I finally got around to getting my nose pierced. I’ve been wanting to do it for a long time, but I’ve just been too cheap to do it. I go to school with a lady whose son owns a tattoo parlor, so he gave me a deal.

It fell out a few days ago and I had to shove it back through, because it was out all night. Eh, it’s all good though.

Lance came up on Saturday and stayed until last night. I was sooooo happy, it was like a vacation (even though I had to go to school). Lot’s of mushy cuddling on the couch and in bed, lot’s of pet names so adorabley cute they would make anyone other than us puke. It was awesome.

Did I mention lot’s of sex too?

No?

Well we had a lot of awesome, rug burns on my knees, bloody scratches down his back, screaming so loud to scare the neighbors sex.

He even bought me a new toy! http://www.adameve.com/Adult-Sex-Toys/Glass-Dildos/sp-triple-play-pleaser-glass-dildo-7077.aspx

I was pretty intimidated by the whole glass thing at first. But I reccomend it.

We went to Six Flags, that was reeeaaally fun, I hadn’t been to the one up here with all the animals since I was little. The guy in the Sylvester suit kept groping me though! Then he wouldn’t let me go, I though Lance was gonna kick his ass, but it turned out okay.

Well, I’m off to enjoy my day off!

All my lust,

Shelby

Doctor, Doctor, gimme the news…

So, the verdict is in….I have Rapid Bipolar Disorder. Yep, I have to get some some mood stabilizers.

 I was supposed to get some blood work done today, but the lady at the lab was such a bitch that I just left and said I’d come back another day.

 I’m hoping these mood stabilizers will help, I’m tired of feeling suicidal, and I’m sure my boyfriend is sick of me screaming at him randomly. Maybe I’ll start writing again, they might help me focus my energy in one direction instead of being everywhere.

 So I was forced to go to Home Town Buffet….

I don’t know about the HTBs in your area, but this one is like white trash city. Sweat pants, obesity, screaming kids, and false teeth as far as the eye can see. It was depressing because everyone there looked depressed. I don’t think I saw one person smile the whole time I was there. I just sat there playing with my jello and salad, sipping my crappy coffee. It was like watching a bad indie movie all about desolate people moving around four little buffet tables in slow lines, with looks on their faces that looked like they hoped they choked to death on an overcooked popcorn shrimp. Hearing them say, “Oh look honey, they have cheeseburgers tonight.” No smile, just making awkward conversation with their overweight wife and their four kids whom they’ve grown to resent.

 *shudder* How do people let themselves become so miserable? So trapped in their own skin?

I was with my aunt and uncle. Eating dinner with them is weird, it’s mostly awkward silences, and forced conversation. I try to bring up topics, but we just usually end up on the subject of family gossip. Tonight was mostly silence, they asked about my doctor’s visit, I just said I was going to get some blood work. I’ve decided not to tell them about the bipolar thing, they would get too freaked out, and…yeah….that would just lead to more awkwardness.

Well, I’m off to watch Family Guy and pick out an outfit because Lance is coming Saturday!

I am sooooo getting laaaaaaid! After two months, I’m going to like wreck him, just grind him into the ground, heck yes.

-Shelby