Friends…what are those?

So, I’ve never been good at making friends.

I grew up in a small town, so during school you basicallly hung out with the people you had known your entire life. There wasn’t much thought gone into choosing who you were friends with.

When I got into highschool, we had a “group” and I got invited to group gatherings. Outside of those, however, I didn’t do much socializing.

I ended up dating a guy in high school for two years because I was young and stupid and he had promises of new friends and exciting parties. Well, that went south, and I ended up hanging around because I didn’t want to admit to everyone that I had been wrong, and that he was an asshole, even though he did a multitude of things that I don’t feel like going into. On top of being young and stupid, I was also young and selfish and let him believe that I loved him because I had no where else to turn. A lot of my friends shunned me after we started going out because they hated him.

My best friend, who remains my best friend, but it hundreds of miles away, even sort of pulled away from me, but I pulled away from her as well. She found others to hang out with, I don’t blame her, I wouldn’t have wanted to be around me either.

It was then I started to realize that I was not good at making friends. I made excuses for myself though. Things like:

“Oh, it’s a small town, everyone already knows me and has their ‘idea’ of who I am”

“Everyone hates me”

“Everyone thinks I’m an idiot and is laughing behind my back”

Blah blah blah.

Since then, my best friend and I have definitely reconciled, I am madly in love with a gorgeous gentleman who treats me like a princess, and I am about to move to L.A. to pursue a career in Cinema Makeup.

All that is missing right now is…can we guess kids? That’s right, friends.

Everywhere I’ve lived in the last two years, I’ve tried desperately but always ended up being the third wheel with no invite to the after party.

Sure, I’ve gone to lunch with “the girls” but I sit there in utter dismay as they invite eachother over for parties, to the mall, the movies, etc. No, I’m not just imagining that I’m not invited, or not really wanted.

See my Cherry Poptarts entry for a REAL dialogue between me and some of my aesthetician classmates: http://bloodydiamonds.wordpress.com/2008/02/27/cherry-poptarts-again/

That’s just one of many.

I went to visit lance this past weekend and we had a lot of wedding talk. All I could think of was “How embarrassed will I be when I have to tell my family that I don’t have as many bridesmaids as Lance will have groomsmen?”

It’s so humiliating.

I used to love being a loner, now I’m seeing that it’s not the greatest….

Life is the windshield…

…and I am the bug.

I went to work yesterday to check my schedule for next week. I couldn’t find my name, and my manager walks up with his lunch and goes:

Manager: “Oh, by the way, we had to let you off for about a week and a half, maybe a little longer.”

Me: “What?”

Manager: “Yeah, just think of it as a vacation!”

Me: “So I don’t work here anymore?”

Manager: “Well, just write your name on that sheet and we’ll call you for our holiday season.”

Me: “So, you’ve laid me off for a couple weeks?”

Manager: “Just write your name down if you want to join us for the holidays”

Me: “I’m still confused, you weren’t even going to call me or tell me? The only reason I’m finding out is because I happened to run into you?”

Manager: “We just had to let go of about 20 people temporarily.”

Me: “You’re not really answering me.”

Manager: “Well, I’ve got to go, I’m on my lunch break.”

So he cowers into his office with his Jack ‘n the Box bag.

So, I’ve got two very annoying stress zits.

I’m going to redo my resume and look around salons asking if they need an aesthetician.

That and I’m going to visit Lance next week. It’s going to be difficult considering he lives with his brother and I have a very big gut feeling that his brother is totally screwing him over.

His brother has a clean up business for repossessed houses and Lance has worked with him for about two months now.

He hasn’t paid him once. He keeps saying “Oh, it takes a while for the checks to come in.”

Well, Lance was talking to his mom who told him that the checks had already come in. So Lance asked his brother about this and he said “Well, they’re processing.”

The reason I worry is because his brother is 25 and currently in thousands of dollars of debt. He’s one of those stupid young people who spent all his money on cars, furniture, eating out, and clothing. Since I’ve known him for these two or three years, he’s had a Mustang, an Escalade, some other little car, and currently he owns both a Mercedes and a little Honda.

He doesn’t drive the Mercedes because he owes $26,000 on it and has to hide it in the garage from the repo guys. He has also has a ton of credit card debt.

So….I’ve had plenty of family members that have been in debt, and I know how manipulative people can become when they’re in need of money.

Did I mention his brother is also an extremely racist asshole? He’s gay, and you’d think a homosexual would be more tolerant considering all of the hardships they have to overcome. We were driving to Anaheim last time I was up there, and he was in the back seat raving about how “Those chinks can’t drive” and he kept calling black people “Spooks”, he went on about Jews and Mexicans and Asians. There was some chick at the restaurant we were at that was having a birthday, she was pretty overweight, but he felt the need to loudly make fun of her. Then she started laughing and he goes “Ugh, you stupid bitch I’m going to shove my cock down your throat!”

I wanted to die.

He’s just one of those people that you want to ask, “Why haven’t you had your ass kicked yet?” Which makes it more likely that he’d give Lance the run around when it comes to paying him.

Sigh.

People…