Being a woman….

So, I ran into walmart today. I had to purchase some false eyelashes to put on my seven year old cousin, just to practice my techniques.

I was wearing a gray mini skirt and a hot pink spaghetti strap top and luckily…underwear.

I say luckily underwear because…well you’ll see…

I was looking for the false lashes, thinking to myself “How am I going to tell Lance that I think that I’m pregnant? I mean…I don’t think he’ll be mad, and he’ll definitely want me to keep it. Wht the hell am I going to do? Sue the guy who manufactured my birth control?”

I grab my false lashes and mosey (mosie? mosy?) over to the arts and crafts and I feel this warm wetness between my legs….

It felt like I was getting turned on, that sort of slow wetness you know?

I knew it wasn’t my period, because every month since I first got it when I was eleven it’s been the same, I get cramp for 5-7 days before, horrible cramps. I get super moody, I cry a lot, and ooooo the cramps.

So I look around, no one is in site, so I sneak my finger up my skirt, under my white cotton thong, feel definite gooey warmth, and pull my finger out, in front of my face and voila…

Blood.

Lot’s of it.

At this moment I drop my false lashes onto the nearest shelf (which I hate to do, because I have worked in customer service, and people being too lazy to put their shit away pisses me off too). I start walked briskly out the door to my car.

Mind you I’m wearing a mini skirt, so all I can see in my mind is blood slowly dripping down my legs for all to see.

It didn’t, but you know how paranoia can trick you, and I could have sworn I could feel it going down my thigh.

So I get in my car, and I still have a ton of clothes piled in there from moving, so I find a gray sweater that I hated anyway, put it on my seat, hiked up my skirt, and drove home.

My poor white cotton thong ends up in the trash, and I’m thanking the Big Man that my skirt isn’t ruined and that I didn’t run into any old friends from highschool who wanted to chat.  

Well, Lance and I had a huuuuge, nasty, sweaty fuck fest on Tuesday. I was supposed to get my period on like….it doesn’t matter, sooo…yeah. I have too many friends who got knocked up while they were on the pill. Which explains the pregnancy scare.

I think that was God’s little way of saying “Hah, that’s what you get, now here’s your period in a very public place, I hope you learned your lesson. P.S. Stop yelling my name while you’re orgasming”

Thought you guys would enjoy another embarrassing story after my suicide scare. Letting you all know I’m good now.

That’s the downside of being bipolar, extreme lows, but I’ll deal.

Thank you all for you wonderful comments! Mwah!

-Shelby

 

Butt Scratcha!

I’m watching Family Guy, and they’re yelling “Butt Scratcha!”

Anyway…

My dad just walked in on Lance and I having sex. It was one of those quickies where you leave your clothes on and we were under a blanket. So its not like he SAW anything. He just said “so, lance, don’t you have to work early tomorrow?” or something like that.

Aaaakwaaard…

Lance is mortified.

It’s embarrassing, but eh, what can you do, right?

So…anyone out there have any funny and/or embarrassing sex stories???

Bang Bang

I don’t understand.

Am I crazy?

Am I insane for being upset that my boyfriend went to mexico and drank and danced with a bunch of random chicks? I mean, that’s what he’s telling me so far…

It’s like the last boyfriend all over again. Not as bad, but I didn’t love him. I was just with him because I didn’t want to be alone.

But I love Lance

More than words can describe.

But he just doesn’t see how I can be hurt over this…

I guess it’s hard to see my point of view when he’s the muscley jock that’s always had girls all over him, and I’m the friendless geek that’s never really gone out much.

*more pain that I can take*

No Meds for a week…

It’s been going okay. I had one huge bad spell, and a few little ones, but it hasnt been too bad.

Of course that changes tonight. I haven’t gotten back to the doctor for my meds, and tonight I really need them.

Today at school they were all talking about a big party, and making plans about it…I didn’t get an invite… it gets worse…

Lance decided to go to out to some clubs in Mexico with our friend Ramon and some girls I went to highschool with and their friends.

Usually, I would be angry. I’d blow up, I’d throw things I’d break things, but I’m just sad. I mean I’m ten hours away, what can I do?

It’s like I’ve been so angry my whole life that my body is just done. It’s done with being angry and frustrated, it’s done with dealing with things that hurt.

Especially things that hurt so bad, and you don’t know how to tell that person because I just want to be a good girlfriend. I don’t want to try to stop him from doing things he likes to do. I don’t want to be one of “those” girls who tells there boyfriends to sit, stay and roll over.

But if I’m doing such a great thing, why does it feel so bad?

Updating I is….

So, it’s been a pretty crazazy week in Sacramento. Two Fridays ago I finally got around to getting my nose pierced. I’ve been wanting to do it for a long time, but I’ve just been too cheap to do it. I go to school with a lady whose son owns a tattoo parlor, so he gave me a deal.

It fell out a few days ago and I had to shove it back through, because it was out all night. Eh, it’s all good though.

Lance came up on Saturday and stayed until last night. I was sooooo happy, it was like a vacation (even though I had to go to school). Lot’s of mushy cuddling on the couch and in bed, lot’s of pet names so adorabley cute they would make anyone other than us puke. It was awesome.

Did I mention lot’s of sex too?

No?

Well we had a lot of awesome, rug burns on my knees, bloody scratches down his back, screaming so loud to scare the neighbors sex.

He even bought me a new toy! http://www.adameve.com/Adult-Sex-Toys/Glass-Dildos/sp-triple-play-pleaser-glass-dildo-7077.aspx

I was pretty intimidated by the whole glass thing at first. But I reccomend it.

We went to Six Flags, that was reeeaaally fun, I hadn’t been to the one up here with all the animals since I was little. The guy in the Sylvester suit kept groping me though! Then he wouldn’t let me go, I though Lance was gonna kick his ass, but it turned out okay.

Well, I’m off to enjoy my day off!

All my lust,

Shelby

Such a sad sad situation…

Why do I love him?

It seems he’s just starting the same patterns as my exboyfriend, telling me I hate his family, telling me I don’t support him. I’ve also begun making excuses for him.

At least he hasn’t smacked me in the face like the last one….

Let’s talk about subject one, his family. I have expressed dislike toward his mother over the years, this is true. But, she also stole over $20,000 dollars from him, tried to exploit him by shoving him into commercial casting calls his whole life, talks about me behind my back, and treats him like shit. She complains I never visit (which is a lie), when I do visit, she ignores me totally and only talks to Lance. She gives him a ton of orders in front of me like the only reason she wanted me there was to show me who is really his “boss.”

I also can’t stand an aunt of his, who, after living in America for most of her life and KNOWS English very well, refuses to speak it. When I met her she told me that I needed to better my spanish so I could speak to her. She has some sick obsession about my boyfriend (they’re not blood related) always hugging and slobbering all over him, getting him drunk, and constantly telling me that I can only stay at her vaca home in Mexico if I speak spanish to her.

Look, I would love to be more fluent in spanish (I must not be that bad considering I understood every word she said to me and everyone else in spanish, my dad’s whole side of the family is from mexico and my grandmother spoke spanish to me when I was little, she just saw a small blonde girl and assumed). Even if I did speak really great spanish, I would never speak to her in it. It’s one thing if you don’t know English, but it’s another if you do know English and still refuse to speak it, make other people translate for you, and tell other people THEY need to learn THEIR native tongue, even though neither of you live in their native country.

The other thing, not being supportive of him. I am not one of those girlfriends that goes on and on to their boyfriends about how they’re so lucky to have me and blah blah blah. I’m just not. But when he told me I wasn’t supportive of him I snapped. I reminded him that for the next 8-10 years I would be living very poorly while living only on my salary and that of his part time job while he struggled his way through medical school. That I see our difficult journey ahead and am willing to stick it out because I love him and I would never leave him just because things are tough. I also reminded him that if I weren’t supportive, and if he truly thought that way, it wouldn’t be too hard for me in L.A. to pick up someone else. Someone that wouldn’t nag at me like a woman constantly.

I told him if he wants to know about having no support from their significant other, try being constantly reminded that they prefer long blonde hair (when mine is clearly short and reddish). That they don’t support my want to get breast implants, not because he doesn’t like big boobs, but because he’s afraid they’ll come out too trashy looking. Also that I’ve been so excited about going out for acting parts and now magically he’s decided he’s going to be a movie star too, and whenever I bring it up, he can’t just let me fantasize out loud about becoming a great actress, he has to talk about how he’s goign to be “rich and famous.” 

 Ugh!!!!!!! Why do I love him?

-Shelby