Blonding….

I am currently sitting with bleach on my head and a mask on my face…

Yeah, low funds require me to do my own highlights. Lol, I really hope it looks okay. I’m leaving it on a little longer than the box says so it’ll lift a little higher.

I have to work our “Family and Friends” night at work. It’s the night before our grand opening so we’re having hors d’oeuvres and drinks. I guess like 2,000 people are supposed to show up.

My boyfriend’s parents are coming, his mom hates me so I figured I might as well look cute so that’s one less thing for her to criticize.

Ugh, I miss Lance, he moved to L.A., I can’t move until I acquire a big enough savings to live off of while I go to school. Here’s the school I want to attend: http://www.cinemamakeup.com/

What do you think?

Sorry, I’m being boring and girly. So I’ll send you here http://www.rotten.com to make things a little more interesting!

Oh, you don’t like your rice crunchy?

So my mom brought me this recipe the other day. Its for this corn and rice vegetarian dish. 

So I cooked it tonight, and as I was putting in the rice I thought “I dont know how this is going to plump up, there doesnt’ seem to be enough liquid”

Well…duh Shelby.

I cook the whole thing in the oven, and the rice won’t soften!

I finally look back at the recipe and realize in the list of ingredients it says “2 cups cooked long grain rice”

Damn it!

Well, everyone is sitting around me, being good sports, and eating their crunchy rice casseroles…

I swear, I need to dye my hair red again, this blonde thing isnt’ working for me hehehe

Life is…

Odd at the moment.

I got my state board testing date for July 14. I’m pretty excited, but scared, you know how tests go.

I just got back today from camping all weekend. It was a lot of fun, I love the mountains and hiking. We saw a bunch of wolves too.

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So I’ve got some personal issues going on right now. I don’t know how to bring them up or talk about them.

It’s mostly my own insecurities, but it’s also…well…complicated.

If only I had the energy to drive to the market to buy some more cigarettes, I could at least give myself something else to focus on.

Bleh.

Sorry, I’m not too interesting as of late.

So here’s some gratuitous porn http://www.xtube.com

-Shelby

….

I just want it to end.

 

 

Everyone has someone else to keep them company.

 

 

So they won’t be that hurt.

 

 

Maybe it will be like my way of finally doing something that displeases people. I’ve always been so obsessed with pleasing people. But I can’t please them no matter what I do anymore.

I’m too fat, my skin is bad, I’m useless, jobless, my boyfriend doesn’t confide in me anymore.

 

It would be a big fat burden off everyone’s back.

 

The question is how and when.

This

is

me

in all my fat, ugly, lazy glory….

“Of course they winned, they almost losed though, cause he got hurted…”

That’s a direct quote from my aunt/roommate. Yep.

So, Diablo Cody, the author of Juno, is my new obsession. Well, not obsession, but she’s fucking awesome. She’s an ex-stripper, and Oscar winner, and has a blog call “The Pussy Ranch”, need I say more?

So I should be moving to L.A. sometime this summer, or fall. Whenever the hell I can afford it. Until then, I’ll be whoring out my esthetic talents, giving out illegal chemical peels. It’s not my fault the people at the California State Board of Esthetics are a bunch of douchebags and haven’t let me get my state board date yet.

So, my few readers, enough abou me, how are you?

How do you all feel?

How was your day?

Mine was filled with the smell of burning flesh. I watched my insane mentor Nicole burn off weird skin growths with an electrically charged needle.

Let me tell you a little about Nicole, she’s a plastic surgery sculpted beauty queen. Her face doesn’t move much, and her skin is smoother than fucking porcelain. She’s also got this wicked fascination with melting skin.

She gave me a chemical peel, and I thought she was cumming the way she was explaining the “frosting” (a term we use for a controlled chemical burn aka melted skin) that was appearing as salicylic/glycolic acid mixture ate through my flesh.

Nicole: Just look at the frosting appearing on her skin, look at it.

Student: What’s frosting mean?

Nicole: Ooo, frosting is good, it’s really good. It means those chemicals are working and penetrating every one of her tight little follicles.

Student: Why is it called frosting?

Nicole: Because it’s looks like thick, white liquid all over her face. That’s the best part.

So…as I laid on the table, with my eyes covered, I was waiting for someone to start undoing my pants or something. While she was explaining she kept making weird moaning noises, then she sat on the bed with me, and started stroking my arms and legs.

On that note, I leave you.

All my lust,

Shelby

Doctor, Doctor, gimme the news…

So, the verdict is in….I have Rapid Bipolar Disorder. Yep, I have to get some some mood stabilizers.

 I was supposed to get some blood work done today, but the lady at the lab was such a bitch that I just left and said I’d come back another day.

 I’m hoping these mood stabilizers will help, I’m tired of feeling suicidal, and I’m sure my boyfriend is sick of me screaming at him randomly. Maybe I’ll start writing again, they might help me focus my energy in one direction instead of being everywhere.

 So I was forced to go to Home Town Buffet….

I don’t know about the HTBs in your area, but this one is like white trash city. Sweat pants, obesity, screaming kids, and false teeth as far as the eye can see. It was depressing because everyone there looked depressed. I don’t think I saw one person smile the whole time I was there. I just sat there playing with my jello and salad, sipping my crappy coffee. It was like watching a bad indie movie all about desolate people moving around four little buffet tables in slow lines, with looks on their faces that looked like they hoped they choked to death on an overcooked popcorn shrimp. Hearing them say, “Oh look honey, they have cheeseburgers tonight.” No smile, just making awkward conversation with their overweight wife and their four kids whom they’ve grown to resent.

 *shudder* How do people let themselves become so miserable? So trapped in their own skin?

I was with my aunt and uncle. Eating dinner with them is weird, it’s mostly awkward silences, and forced conversation. I try to bring up topics, but we just usually end up on the subject of family gossip. Tonight was mostly silence, they asked about my doctor’s visit, I just said I was going to get some blood work. I’ve decided not to tell them about the bipolar thing, they would get too freaked out, and…yeah….that would just lead to more awkwardness.

Well, I’m off to watch Family Guy and pick out an outfit because Lance is coming Saturday!

I am sooooo getting laaaaaaid! After two months, I’m going to like wreck him, just grind him into the ground, heck yes.

-Shelby

Broken dreams and laptop cords….

I break everything I touch.

I’m not that clumsy or anything, it’s just that I break or tear everything I own!

I just broke my third laptop charger cord thingy for this laptop. It’s not even my cord, I was borrowing it because my last one broke so suddenly.

I also broke my cell phone charger in my car.

Same way I broke two of my three laptop chargers, right next to the fat part that actually plugs in, the plastic coating snapped open and all the wires are frayed.

They really need to make these things childproof or something. I mean, they make laptops themselves strong enough to take on an arctic whale hunting expedition, but they can’t make a cord that won’t buckle under just moving it around a bit.

Damn you HP and your faulty wires!

So I just ordered another one, I’m practically broke so I ordered a really cheap one.

Let’s just see how long this one takes to snap…

-Shelby

Sick and tired….

I figured I’d give you all an overview.

 I was just diagnosed with bipolar depression.

 I live with two of the most unsanitary and judgmental, sexist and religious people I’ve ever met.

I suffer from from incredibly painful migraines.

I take a lot of pills for those migraines.

And I live ten hours away from anyone I know.

Ew, seeing this all written down makes me feel so…bleh, pathetic.

So this is a blog…

Hmm, well, I really needed an outlet to write. I’m living a pretty reclusive life in Sacramento, CA. I’m from Southern California, and I desperately miss it.

I’m moving to L.A. in the fall with my new Esthetics’s license and a hope to become an actress. Yep, that old cliche. Well, I guess this is my lame start to my blog!